Step, Step, Step

So much I thought of while in the wilderness.

Step, step, step; a rhythm to my meditation, a beat to my sorrow, and a set pace for my reconciliation. If you look too far up the path your vision will start to spin. I started blacking out and put my head between my legs but heard myself laughing. I’m still alive. I get to feel it all.

Mary Shelley tells me “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” I wasn’t convinced I could gracefully survive the deep ache of this season. This I thought of as I walked. Step, step, step.

Stories of loss make me cry. The recollection of great love makes me weep. Remembering how we were makes me laugh, feel joy. Step, step, step.

I left tears on the mountain when I started looking too far ahead, and my vision of the future blurred. “Kyrie Eleison” (Lord, have mercy) hummed in my mind over and over. I’ve been asking for compassion in many places but if I’m to be honest it is mostly from myself. Step, step, step. Sylvia Plath reminds me at tempo, “I am, I am, I am.”